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1. Why adopt Internationally when there are so many children in the US needing homes?
A very good question and a very valid point. After much soul searching and researching, we decided that adopting Internationally
was the best choice for us due to strict adoption laws governing the absolute termination of parental rights. Russia, in particular,
has very stringent laws pertaining to adoption. All orphans are placed on a National Registry for 6 months. During that
time, any family member may visit the child. If a family member visits the child, the 6-month waiting period begins again.
Of course, this means that a child under 6 months of age is not available for adoption; however, it also means that all parental
rights are completely terminated if no family member visits the child during those 6 months. We wanted to be certain that
there was no possibility of our child's birthmother regaining custody after the child was placed in our home. We chose Russia
because we wanted a Caucasian child.
2. Isn't International adoption expensive? How much does it cost?
These two questions should probably be at the top
of the list...they are by far the most common!
Yes, International adoption is expensive (so is Domestic)...the cost varies
depending on the country.
The average cost to adopt a child from Russia is approximately $30K. That figure is all-inclusive...home
study, INS, agency fees, foreign fees (the in-country service fees), travel, personal in-country spending, per diem paid to
coordinator, etc. The good news...Congress just passed a new adoption tax credit that will go into effect in 2002. The new
law allows for a $10K tax credit (note this is not a deduction, but an actual credit!) depending on your income level. The
full credit can be taken if your household income is less than $150K...the credit is prorated if your income is between $150K
and $190K. In addition, many employers offer adoption packages...BellSouth is one of them...I received $4K from them for our
adoption!
Just a thought to put all of it in perspective...most of us hardly think twice about spending $30K for a car!
Update: Through the assistance of Bright Futures Adoption Assistance and
the kindness of friends and family, $7K was donated to our Bryne Tatyana Adoption Fund. All donations were tax-deductible.
Contact Jill at the link below for further information.
3. Did you have to travel to Russia? Was it scary?
Yes, we did get to travel to Russia and no, it was not scary!
We actually made 2 trips to Russia due to unexpected law
changes that went into effect while we were waiting for a travel date.
I will admit that we were a bit intimidated the
first time we stepped off the plane in Moscow...a very dark and quiet airport with long passport control lines and we were
a bit intimidated by the chaotic traffic and lack of lines dividing lanes, but after the initial shock, we felt very comfortable.
Of course, this is where your agency comes into play...you can either have a pleasant experience or a nightmare. A good
agency will have everything coordinated for you...a coordinator and/or translator who will take care of you from the moment
you step off the plane until you step back on. We had a GREAT agency (Villa Hope/World Child/Frank Foundation) and we had
an incredible experience. We ventured off on our own while in Moscow and while in Samara and we never once felt threatened...quite
the contrary...everyone we encountered (the locals) was very accommodating and friendly towards us. In our opinion, traveling
to our son's birth country was an added bonus to the entire adoption process...we were able to experience the culture...visit
Red Square...shop at the Old Arbat...memories we will treasure forever!
4. Did you learn how to speak Russian?
We intended to learn Russian...even bought the tapes! Somehow time escaped us and before we knew we were on our way to Russia...and
we didn't learn much Russian.
Language was definitely NOT a barrier...we had no problem communicating. Practically
everyone we encountered in Moscow knew English...some knew it very well. While in Samara, the English was a bit sparse; however,
the children of Samara can speak English almost fluently from what we experienced! Of course we found this out the hard way...making
fools of ourselves trying to play a game of charades while asking where the pizzeria was, a beautiful girl about 12 years
of age simply said "The pizza place is right there!"
I learned the pleasantries while in Russia...thank you,
please, good morning/night, goodbye, etc. It appeared that the Russian people were touched that I was at least making an
effort. Oh yes...for the water drinkers out there...learn how to ask for water that is not carbonated (Seltzer water is the
beverage of choice)...phonetically of course...VADA BEEZ GAZA! This is very important! :-)
In retrospect, we wish we
would have learned more Russian and we intend to take lessons on the language in the near future. It's such an important
part of our son's heritage and it would be wonderful for him to learn his native tongue as well.
5. What airline did you fly?
First Trip:
Aeroflot
We had less than 2 weeks
from the time we were notified of our travel date until the time we were to depart...our choices were limited.
We ultimately
chose Aeroflot because they offered a direct non-stop flight from Dulles to Moscow.
Other than the fact that it was non-stop,
we have nothing good to say about Aeroflot! The flight attendants seemed to cater to the Russian people (naturally it's a
Russian airline)...and it was smoky! We were in Business Class and the smoking section was in the back of the plane, but that
didn't make a difference. Overall, we were not impressed with Aeroflot and have not recommended them to anyone.
Second
Trip
Northwest/KLM
We took advantage of NW/KLM's adoption rate on the second trip...about $1400 per person (this was
comparable to other carriers...we traveled during peak season). This fare allowed us to change our departure and return dates
and times with no penalty. The only drawback...we stopped all over the world to get half way around it! Our route took us
from Birmingham to Memphis, Memphis to Boston, Boston to Amsterdam, and finally Amsterdam to Moscow. It was a long trip, no
doubt about it, but we acquired enough frequent flyer miles for 2 free tickets upon our return and the flight attendants were
very pleasant...could speak good English and provided us with as much ice in our drinks as we wanted (Russians don't believe
in iced beverages!) NW was good, but KLM runs a class act. We would highly recommend using them!
Update: For both trips with Bryne Tatyana's adoption, we used Delta and
flew direct from JFK to Moscow. Our experience with Delta was exceptional. The return flight has been named the
"Baby Bus" and "Stork Flight" just to name a few...taking a guess, I'd say at least 50% of the passengers flying
back from Moscow to JFK, were adoptive families. Delta offers an adoption rate...it was approximately $1400 per person
round trip for each trip.
6. Did you request the sex and age of the child you were going to adopt?
Yes and yes. We requested a boy, between the ages of 6 and 9 months.
Well, we got the boy; however, he was 11 months
old when we received his referral.
We'll tell no lie, we were a bit concerned about his age...we'd done our homework
and we knew that the longer a child is institutionalized, the greater the chance of developmental adversities. We cringe
at the thought that we considered not accepting Laine because of his age! If and when we adopt again, we will request a child
between 12 and 24 months. What seemed like such an issue actually was the greatest blessing ever! Laine was the perfect
age...15 months old when we returned to the US. It's important to keep in mind that for every 3 months a child is institutionalized,
he or she is usually 1 month behind developmentally. Therefore at 15 months, Laine was at the stage of what we know as a
10-month-old baby. They catch up fast!!! Even at 15 months, we saw his first steps, we heard his first words, we watched
him drink from a sippy cup for the first time, and we gave him his first ice cream cone! We truly feel as though we didn't
miss a thing...he's learning and achieving something new everyday...even 18 months later. Laine has a slight speech delay...other
than that, he's a perfectly healthy and very well adjusted 2 year old boy!
7. What was the orphanage like?
This question should probably be next in line to "How much did it cost?"!
Laine's orphanage was delightful...nothing
like the images we've all seen on Dateline. It was old, but well kept. It was clean and cheery...murals painted on walls
and nice play equipment for the children. The Samara orphanages are well supported by families that have adopted children
from that region so our experience may be different than others. We know without a doubt that our son was loved and well
cared for. The caregivers seemed to genuinely care about the children...I'll never forget their embraces as I carried Laine
from the orphanage. Laine is and has always been extremely affectionate and loving...for that we owe his caregivers our eternal
gratitude.
Their own resources are limited...again if it were not for the support from adopting families, the situation
in Samara's orphanages may be a little different. We do believe that Laine was undernourished...simply because he was not
getting enough food for his high metabolism. We do NOT think they were starving the children...they only had so much to go
around...enough to sustain little bellies, not enough to truly fill them.
We loved Samara and the people who cared for
Laine will always have a special place in our heart.
8. How did you choose an agency?
For us, the decision was simple. We knew a family that had used Villa Hope (in Birmingham) and they adored them. We called,
we set up an appointment, and we began our paperwork. We had surfed the web a little so we knew Villa Hope's procedures and
fees were in line with other agencies. We liked the fact that they were local and we liked the fact that they were small
enough to offer personalized attention to their clients. Unfortunately, Villa Hope cannot complete an entire Russian Adoption
without the help of World Child (in DC). Villa Hope stood by us through the entire process; however, we were eventually in
the hands of World Child. World Child receives the referrals of children from about 4 different child-placing agencies.
This is where Frank Foundation entered the picture. In my humble opinion, it was Frank Foundation that deserves the credit
for our pleasant experience while in Russia...they are probably the biggest agent in Russia and they carry a lot of clout.
Our coordinator, Natalya, is actually a Frank Foundation employee...she was the absolute BEST!
To put it simply,
picking an agency is purely personal preference. One thing to keep in mind and please forgive the coyness of this statement...You
get what you pay for. There is a reason some agencies charge half of what we paid...we've heard the horror stories. When
you're dealing with a foreign government and you're traveling to a foreign land to experience the most amazing event of your
life, it's not a time to be bargain hunting!
9. Did you choose a Homestay or a hotel?
Again this is personal preference and there are pros
and cons to each. We chose a hotel while in Moscow and we loved it! We stayed at the Marriott Tverskaya both trips and it
was the nicest hotel we've ever visited! They offer an adoption rate of $189 per night and to us, it was worth every penny...modern,
western plumbing...money exchange at the hotel...drivers available at a fee of $10 round trip to take us anywhere in the city...security
(guards at each entrance and room keys required to ascend in the elevator)...a fabulous restaurant...and English speaking
personnel. We have recommended this hotel to many people and all have enjoyed their stay there as much as we did.
In Samara,
we had no choice, everyone in our group stayed at a hotel...not quite as plush as the Marriott, but plush for the town's standards.
It was old and a bit dilapidated, but to be quite honest, the accommodations were the last thing on our mind while in Samara.
We were there to adopt our son and we would have slept in tents if need be...and I'm not a camper!
Update: With Bryne Tatyana's adoption we chose a hotel again:
1st trip: Marriott Grand and Aerostar, both were magnificent, but preferred
Marriott Grand...plush beyond plush.
2nd trip: Marriott Grand only.
10. Travel Necessities?
In no particular order:
1. Toilet paper - 3 rolls minimum (believe it or not this is a luxury in Russia and
not found in public restrooms...at least not without a cost)
2. Converter (their voltage is different than
ours)
3. Travel packs of tissue (lots of tears and kids with runny noses)
4. Umbrella stroller
when adopting a toddler (we heard mixed reviews on this one, chose not to bring the stroller at the last minute, and regretted
it terribly!)
5. Children's Tylenol, Sudafed, Dimetapp, Vitamins, Gas Drops, Ambisol, Diaper Rash Ointment
6. Instant oatmeal (still one of our son's favorites)
7. Hot pot for warming water (bottles)
8. Travel Iron
9. Money pouches (to be worn under clothing...you'll have a lot of cash on
you and you'll want to conceal it)
10. Pens (a pack of cheap ones will do...they're not abundantly available
for some reason)
11. Woolite and/or detergent
12. Tylenol PM (I'm serious! Take 2 when you
get on the plane to leave for Russia...it will allow you to sleep and be rested when you arrive...sleep when they sleep, not
when you want to...this will help with jet lag, I promise!)
13. A six-pack of bottled water (it's readily available
in Russia...this is for times when you can't get to a store)
14. Notebook to keep a journal
15.
Figure on 8-10 diapers per day!
16. Ziploc baggies...for yucky diapers
17. Towels (bath, hand, wash...one
of each for each person)
18. A GOOD ATTITUDE...you'll find this to be most important...realize that you are in
a foreign country...they do things differently...and not as promptly as we're used to...venture and visit...do all that you
can...we did a lot and we still regret the things we didn't do...go with the flow and enjoy yourself...it's the adventure
of a lifetime!
11. Immunizations before traveling?
Most definitely YES! We contacted our county health department shortly after our first visit to Villa Hope and made an appointment
with their travel clinic. They had a list of suggested immunizations for every country in the world. We took their advice
and got EVERY immunization recommended for travel to Russia...there were several (some were done in 2 parts with several months
between each). The sad fact is that Russia is basically a third world nation...they have diseases that our county has not
seen in years or has never seen at all! Better to be safe than sorry!
In addition, it's not a bad idea to talk to your
doctor about a dose of high potency antibiotics prior to or during travel. The threat of Giardia (a parasite of the intestine)
is very real...we know...we splurged for ice in our McDonald's drinks during the first visit and suffered the Giardia symptoms
upon our return home. The antibiotics in your system will help ward off such things as Giardia.
12. How long did it take?
Even with our 2 month delay due to the law changes that took effect, it only took 8 months from the day we stepped foot in
Villa Hope until the day we stepped off the plane with our son!
A Russian adoption typically takes 6-12 months...it all
depends on the sex of the child you're requesting (girls take longer), the age you're requesting (infants take longer), and
how long it takes to get all of your paperwork complete (some paperwork you have no control over...INS works at their own
speed!). Be patient, the wait will be well worth it in the end, I promise!
13. What to do when you get home with your
child?
Your agency should provide with you explicit instructions,
but to give you an idea...
1. Set up an appointment for your first post placement visit.
2. File for your child's Social Security Number
3. Proceed with the readoption of your child in your state of residence
(this is so, so, so important...in the event you lose your child's Russian birth certificate, your state will have one on
file!)
4. Contact the Early Intervention Program in your area (this is for children
under 3...if your child is older than 3, contact your public school system). Early Intervention is a free (federally
subsidized) program that evaluates the developmental stages of your child. If your child is assessed with a 25% delay
in such things as gross motor, fine motor, speech, adaptive, etc. you will qualify for their services. Our son has been
under the care of Early Intervention for his speech delay since one month after coming home. He will be 3 in April of
2002 and will then be tested by the public school system. If his speech delay is still present, he will qualify for
free speech therapy through the public school system (even though he's just in preschool).
I've discovered that very few people know that Early Intervention exists.
It's a wonderful resource for adoptive parents and I hope you'll take advantage of this program!
For Alabama Families:
(800) 543-3098
For National Assistance in locating EI in your state:
UPDATE: 4/8/02 - After 18 months of speech therapy, Laine is now testing
within normal range for his age...he no longer qualifies for aid! We are SO proud of his progress and accomplishment!
:-)
Update: 2/2/03 - Bryne Tatyana is now receiving speech therapy and occupational
therapy (for mild Sensory Integration Dysfunction)...I still whole-heartedly support the Early Intervention Program. :-)
Laine's Adoption
The Journey to Bryne Tatyana
The Ehlers Family... Blessed by Russian Adoption
Contact Us
St. Basil's Cathedral
Red Square, Moscow
November 2002
A Familiar Sight in Samara, Russia
November 2002
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